Ten Fold…

wild child

I should have known she’d be a handful…

You know, I’d go back and give anything for the terrible 2’s and 3’s.  In my household they were a BREEZE.  At that stage Munchkin was mobile, but I could easily scoop her up when she got away from me.  She sat still for more than 30 seconds.  But, most importantly, her vocabulary was not developed to the point that she could argue her case like an ace lawyer or ask me the same exact question 1,000 times in an hour.  Here are the top 5 phrases or exchanges that I can safely say I will not miss when she’s older.

1.  “Wipe your butt!  Why didn’t you wipe your butt?  Are you kidding me?  Do you know how gross that is?”  Seriously how many times do I have to say that during the day?  I don’t understand this conversation at all.  The other day she tells me, “She didn’t have time.”  She’s a preschooler!  What does she have on her busy schedule that she doesn’t have 30 seconds to at least do a quick wipe????

2.  “Watch where you are going!  There is a ______ (insert shoe, wall, PERSON) there!”   I’m not kidding.  The phrase, “Dazed and Confused” enters my mind more than it should when I see not only my preschooler but her little friends too.  They are just wandering around completely clueless of anything going on around them.  BUT, when my own kid does something, like, run into the wall she yells, “THAT DAMN WALL! IT JUMPED OUT AND HIT ME” as she bawls her eyes out. Yes, my child uses that particular curse word in context.  I have to fully take the blame for that one.  But it’s never her fault when she runs into something and causes mayhem.  EVER.

3.  “Can you just stand still from one minute please?  Stop jumping around! Stop hopping! JUST STOP MOVING FOR ONE STINKING MINUTE!”  They are always in motion.  ALWAYS.  I just don’t know how they do it.  It’s like they have a pogo stick rammed up their back.

4.  “Clean up your toys!”  This is where preschoolers try to play lawyer.  For example, my kid has started trying to reason and bargain with me.  “Mama, let’s do this.  How about we clean up first thing tomorrow morning.  I will get up earlier than you and have the room clean before you get up.”  or “Mama, how about I get one drink of water before we clean up?” or “Mama, how about you start cleaning up my room first and then I will help you.”  or “Mama, I ‘m just too exhausted to move.”  (She gets that one from me too).  But, I swear this child will drag out putting up her toys as long as she can.   She spends more time bargaining with me than it takes to clean up and I want to yell, “JUST CLEAN UP THE DAMN TOYS!”  See, she comes by it naturally.

5.  “Stop talking.”  The drastic increase from the toddler to preschool vocabulary and how much they want to talk is astronomical.  No one warned me about this.  Why don’t people tell you?!  My kid even talks in her sleep!  I can go by her bedroom and there she is just jabbering away a bunch of nonsense in her sleep.  At this stage, I also cannot believe the number of questions they can ask.  And, I’ll be darned most of the them are good questions that need to be answered.  When I try to say I don’t know the answer to the question these little ones know about the dreaded Google.  “Just Google it,Mama.  Just Google it.”

Hubby is wonderfully patient with her.  He distracts her, directs her activities elsewhere, grounds her to her room.  My Mom is just laying back thinking, “Ten fold, baby.  TEN FOLD.”  I was evidently quite the terror during the preschool years.

And, for those of you saying she “needs discipline.”  BITE ME. I’m busy washing underwear and keeping my sanity together so I can gear up for another day.

Well crap, wouldn’t you know it?  As I’m sitting here writing this blog, I look out the window and there is my sweet preschooler helping our elderly neighbor pick up sticks from her yard.  So, yes, they go from terror to sweet in .5 seconds.


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