Alright, I know I am marching toward 40. Truly, I am reminded of it all the time. I have new lines appearing. I have silver sparkles starting to form in the front of my head. After having my daughter at age 32, my bits and pieces were no longer in the places they once were. I marched right into a Victoria’s Secret and bought the necessary equipment to hoist the girls back in place. Recently, I did the same march because again my bits and pieces seem to be shifting. After birthing a nearly 10 pound baby, my stomach is nice and squishy. As I march toward 40, it seems to get squishier and so I wear flowing tops to help hide the squish. It took me 3 days to recover from getting only 2 hours of sleep as I hounded the Disney reservations website to book our perfect vacation. I swear, I’d have to be put in ICU to recover from a hangover these days. But, we all make adjustments. I am good with that. And, when I’m not good with it denial is a great world to be in.
Because on any given day I may or may not be in a state of denial about this aging process, DO NOT USE THE PHRASE, “AT YOUR AGE.” DO NOT SAY THAT TO ME.
The first time this happened to me was at 35. I had a raging chest cold. I had snot coming out everywhere. Flem balls the size of golf balls. I also couldn’t talk because of the laryngitis. It was not pretty by the time I decided I needed professional help. I made a single mistake that day. In croaking out my symptoms I said, “And I have chest pains.” Do you know what that earned me? Not only the “AT YOUR AGE” speech, but a one way trip to the emergency room.The doctor said we cannot be too careful with someone my age who is still on birth control and says they have chest pains.They even offered to call the ambulance to take me. I was in shock. Really, I am a ball of snot and you send me to the emergency room and I end up hooked up to all kinds of machines just because a week earlier I turned that magical 35 and I am now officially a risk?
A year older and today another medical professional whips out the old, “AT YOUR AGE.” I visited my family doctor. One of the medications I was put on 6 months ago can cause weight gain and I’ve put on about 10 pounds just as a result of the medication (or that is what I am telling myself–maybe I am in denial land). I mentioned this to him and he says, “Well, AT YOUR AGE this could be many factors.” Yes, Mr. Medical Man–I know that but I do not need you to remind me of it! I guess my famous bitch face must have come on because he took one look at me and started backtracking and fumbling for words and trying to use any phrase he could other than the dreaded, “AT YOUR AGE.”
I’m just glad I’m not planning to have any more kids. As a dear friend told me that earns you the phrase, “ADVANCED MATERNAL PREGNANCY” and a one way trip to the nursing home to give birth.