Thanks for sucking the fun out of it…

fun sucks

I like a good laugh.  I really do.  Many may not believe that because I am Captain Serious in my household and work, but I do like to laugh.  I play little pranks at work.  I prank my daughter.  I’ve never successfully pranked my husband, but I’ve tried.  I like to laugh at funny memes, jokes, etc.  And, sometimes adults and kids just do funny things and you have to take it at face value and laugh.  You have to laugh at the irrational moments.

But, then comes along those that can suck the funny out of an innocent situation.

Case and Point:

On Sunday, Mom took Munchkin to the local dog park with Pup-Pup.  There is a fun new online group that is painting rocks and hiding them for people to find.  We’ve found some really cool ones!  I’ve seen people from all walks of life get into this and it is fun following online.  Well, Munchkin found a rock IN the dog park and brought it home.  She laid it on the kitchen table with our food.  She proceeded to tell hubby where she got it and he completely overreacted.  It was cartoon comical.  Truly.  It was.  I couldn’t stop laughing.  He yells, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DOGS COULD HAVE PEED ON THIS ROCK????” and then fired it out the kitchen door. Bye, bye rock.

Just the look on his face, the way his voice stressed the words, his irrational reaction—it was just plain funny.  It’s like he could see the germs jumping off that rock and onto his steak.  Come on people, it was steak and shrimp night!  You do not mess with steak and shrimp night.

So, I thought it was funny and posted it to the online group that we were down one purple sparkly rock because my husband wigged out.  Well, you can only guess what happened next.

First, I had those that thought it was just as funny as I did.  Thank you, people.  Thank. You.  You saw how funny this really was.  You saw this was not life or death.  You just saw the humor.

I then had those who felt sorry for my daughter and said it was sad.  Ummm…WHY?  How in any reality is this sad for my child?  Does this impact her physical, social, emotional or psychological well-being?  NO.  Does this scar her for life that her father threw a purple sparkly rock out the kitchen door?  NO.  So, I do not get the sadness.  But, if for some reason it does leave her impaired, I have good insurance.  I will get her a good therapist that she can tell all about the time the purple rock got hurled out the door.  I just hope it does not impact her college chances.

Then, there were those who took me to task because I was supposedly concerned about pee being on rocks and “What happened to the good old days where kids could eat dirt, oil, play in the polluted streams and it made men out of them?”  Ummm…my child gets plenty dirty.  I used to catch her licking trees for goodness sakes.  She plays in the mud constantly.  My husband had an irrational moment and saw a peed on rock next to his steak.  It was funny.  It does not say anything about our parenting and it certainly doesn’t say we are raising a “pansy” as the one commenter noted.  Oh the sexism and gendered norms present in that comment, but I will not get too sociological.

And then, there were those that were angry because we were down one sparkly purple rock that won’t have a picture online.  I have no words.  Did I mention we were painting and hiding ROCKS?

If I had known Sunday night that sharing with the group something I found funny with the rocks was going to cause such backlash, I would have kept my trap shut.  I didn’t realize this business of painting rocks and hiding them in parks was such intense business.  Since I was looking for something a little more lighthearted, I guess I will need to leave this group.  It’s even too much for Captain Serious.  🙂

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At Your Age…

sun setting

The sun is setting on my 30’s.

Alright, I know I am marching toward 40. Truly, I am reminded of it all the time. I have new lines appearing. I have silver sparkles starting to form in the front of my head. After having my daughter at age 32, my bits and pieces were no longer in the places they once were. I marched right into a Victoria’s Secret and bought the necessary equipment to hoist the girls back in place. Recently, I did the same march because again my bits and pieces seem to be shifting. After birthing a nearly 10 pound baby, my stomach is nice and squishy. As I march toward 40, it seems to get squishier and so I wear flowing tops to help hide the squish. It took me 3 days to recover from getting only 2 hours of sleep as I hounded the Disney reservations website to book our perfect vacation. I swear, I’d have to be put in ICU to recover from a hangover these days.  But, we all make adjustments. I am good with that. And, when I’m not good with it denial is a great world to be in.

Because on any given day I may or may not be in a state of denial about this aging process, DO NOT USE THE PHRASE, “AT YOUR AGE.” DO NOT SAY THAT TO ME.

The first time this happened to me was at 35. I had a raging chest cold. I had snot coming out everywhere. Flem balls the size of golf balls. I also couldn’t talk because of the laryngitis. It was not pretty by the time I decided I needed professional help. I made a single mistake that day. In croaking out my symptoms I said, “And I have chest pains.” Do you know what that earned me? Not only the “AT YOUR AGE” speech, but a one way trip to the emergency room.The doctor said we cannot be too careful with someone my age who is still on birth control and says they have chest pains.They even offered to call the ambulance to take me. I was in shock. Really, I am a ball of snot and you send me to the emergency room and I end up hooked up to all kinds of machines just because a week earlier I turned that magical 35 and I am now officially a risk?

A year older and today another medical professional whips out the old, “AT YOUR AGE.” I visited my family doctor. One of the medications I was put on 6 months ago can cause weight gain and I’ve put on about 10 pounds just as a result of the medication (or that is what I am telling myself–maybe I am in denial land). I mentioned this to him and he says, “Well, AT YOUR AGE this could be many factors.”  Yes, Mr. Medical Man–I know that but I do not need you to remind me of it!  I guess my famous bitch face must have come on because he took one look at me and started backtracking and fumbling for words and trying to use any phrase he could other than the dreaded, “AT YOUR AGE.”

I’m just glad I’m not planning to have any more kids.  As a dear friend told me that earns you the phrase, “ADVANCED MATERNAL PREGNANCY” and a one way trip to the nursing home to give birth.